Unfortunately, it often happens that infertility is fought by a couple who does not really want children, but rather longs for the social status of parenthood, which is so important to those around them. In a sense, motherhood becomes a stereotype: without it, people cannot imagine happiness, without it allegedly cannot be complete fulfillment, and life will be empty and meaningless.
And it is this kind of pressure that women who are unable for whatever reason to have children fall under. And often they simply cannot distinguish their own desire to have children from the stereotype imposed by society.
Meanwhile, to fight infertility, it is important to know what you are fighting for. If it’s just a health issue, a good checkup will be enough to check your body and fix what’s not working right. If you’re going to be treated to have a baby to confirm your social status, the treatment may well go nowhere. But if you really want your child and dream about the possibility of giving birth, then you have a much better chance of success.
The same goes for men, they are no less susceptible to stereotypes. And men are not always as stubborn about becoming parents as women are. They are afraid to grow up, they do not want to take on such a serious responsibility for life, or they are just afraid of being bad parents.
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Disagreement over the issue of children may be an indication that your significant other feels somewhat differently about having children than you do. And the process of infertility treatment, which becomes a serious stressor, very quickly manifests the relationship between spouses.
And on the one hand, it can cause your breakup if you don’t learn to trust and understand each other. And on the other hand – the hard way will only bring you together, help you understand each other and strengthen the family.
What to do if they don’t see eye to eye?
It is important at what stage of the treatment there was a clash of interests. Each individual case is unique, who copes with the problems himself, and who may need the help of a professional psychologist.
In general, the most important thing to understand, why do you want children: to devote all of themselves to them or to get away from your society? Or maybe you want to keep your other half around?
Next, you need to listen to the person you love, even if their opinion is very different from yours. Maybe your significant other doesn’t want children at all. If you want them passionately, that’s a serious problem. But if the other person takes a child for your sake that he or she will neither love nor raise, it will be even worse.
If the confrontations are only about the treatment process, they need to be discussed in detail. For example, wait before resorting to IVF, but be sure to set an exact date when you are ready to deal with the issue precisely.
The most important thing is an understanding in the family, so that you listen to each other, and then your marital happiness will be complete, even if you do not have children.